On second thought...

I have been doing some thinking since I posted yesterday about stalking Russell and video taping and documenting every single thing he learns to do or say...

And this is the conclusion I have come to.

When I first had Russell I was terrified. 

When I first heard the words Down syndrome my heart broke. 

I thought my life was over and that Russell would never even have one.

I was scared. Sad. And confused.

Every time I looked down at my son I felt fear.

What would his life be like...What would he be able to do?

What did the future hold?

The first thing I did when I came home from the Hospital was scour the Internet.

What was I looking for?

I was looking for pictures...What did kids with Down syndrome look like?

I was looking for videos...What could kids with Down syndrome do?

I was looking for.....Anything.

I will never forget the day I came across a video of a little boy with Down syndrome playing soccer.

I cried...No, I bawled.

A simple, short, video of a boy kicking a ball, and I lost it.

I had found hope. 

I realized Russell could be like any other little boy...His life could be "normal"

Then I found blogs...Kids reading...Kids writing...Kids on swim teams and in karate class.

It was the simple things...
Kids having short conversations with their parents...Kids going to school...Kids learning to ride a bike or skate or draw a picture.

Things I did not think Russell would ever do.

And you know, it's the small things that mean the most when you think you have lost them and they are not even possible.

So my point is this...

I do not know who reads this blog...I do not know if anyone takes comfort in the little videos or updates on Russell. I don't know if anyone learns anything new about Ds, or finds hope in the life they see Russell live.

But maybe there is someone.

Maybe there is a new Mom out there who has just learned her child has Down syndrome...A Mom who is terrified of the future...A Mom who cries everyday because they just don't know what lies ahead...A Mom who tries to find any and everything she can about Down syndrome and what kids with it can do or are capable of...

A Mom just like me.

Maybe...Just maybe...The pictures or updates or videos I post of Russell bring some one comfort and hope.

And that would make everything worth it. It would make this blog...Worth it.
Because I want to return the favor that other Moms did for me. All the Moms who had open blogs, who posted all the little videos and talked about all the little things their kids accomplished and posted pictures and updates...

Those blogs saved me.

And if there is any hope of me being able to help just one Mom, then this is worth it.

So I won't stalk Russell and document things as proof...But I will record things that I remember other Moms doing that brought me the comfort I was looking for.

And I want to thank the Moms who have kids older than Russell who still blog about their child and their struggles and joys and accomplishments...I find the older Russell gets the further ahead I am able to look and I need those Moms to tell me about that stage, what it is like, what to expect...What things their children are doing.
I find most Moms quit blogging when their child gets older because they say they have nothing to blog about, nothing to talk about or write on...But that is the very thing I was looking for the most...I was trying to see into the future and see if life was "Normal"...The nothingness was what gave me peace...That life would just be life...Every day would be boring and not note worthy...I appreciate the Moms who's blogs turn into just everyday family life.
Because it is proof. It is proof that raising a child with Down syndrome is ok. That life as you know it is not over...It may be different...But not over.

Anyway, what I am saying is this...Expect to see more Russell videos and pictures and brag sessions on this blog!! Not as "PROOF" that he can do something...But just as me showing off how completely awesome and wonderful and amazing he is :)

That's all.