So this is a topic I would like to get some view points on...I want to know what others think about this.
Today I read an article that thoroughly annoyed me. It was someone going on about how in the Ds community (and other disabilities as well)...Some people tend to brag about their kids...Or they try to "one up" each other in what their children are able to do...She even went so far as to say some Moms were lying when talking about what their children are capable of doing at a certain age...Or at least they are "stretching the truth" she said.
I have never read such complete bullshit in my life.
See, this was the very thing I was getting at in my post a few days ago...Where every time Russell learns something new I feel I need to have proof he can do it or people won't believe me. It's stupid...But yeah I guess there are some people out there who think if their kid can't do something at a certain age then YOU must be lying when you say yours can.
And "one upping" each other?? Or "bragging"
It's ridiculous! All of it!
Every single Mother has a right to feel proud of what her child accomplishes... Especially a child with Special Needs who has to over come a great number of obstacles and struggles to finally be able to learn something or do something.
Why on earth should this Mother be made to feel like she is bragging when she talks about it?
Why does she have to hide the pride she feels in her child for fear of offending some one else?
Why would some people even take this as anything other than celebrating??
What do you guys think?
When you read a blog or fb status with a Mom announcing what her child just learned to do...Do you take it as that Mother is bragging and "shoving it down your throat" that her child can do something yours cant...
Or do you celebrate with them?
I for one know I have never, ever, felt any one of the blogs I read or Mothers I have connected with are guilty of bragging. I have never even looked at it in those terms.
I have always just been as thrilled and excited as they were to see what their child had learned...I love hearing what all Russell's little friends are up to.
I know many Moms are scared to post about how great their children are doing for fear of making some one else feel bad...And I think that's silly, and it's sad that they are made to feel that way.
EVERY child has different levels of development...Special Needs or not.
No two kids should be compared. Ever. It's pointless.
There have always been kids Russell's age with Down syndrome who have soared past him in the development department...Hell, just yesterday I watched a video clip of a child younger than Russell sight reading words!! The kid was two!
Did I think his Mother was bragging?? Hell no! She was celebrating and sharing her joy in hopes of inspiring other Moms. I thought it was fantastic! Did I feel badly Russell cannot read yet...No.
That is an ugly pit I use to fall into when Russell was first born...Trying to keep him up to par with other kids his age who had Ds...Trying to make sure he could do what they were all doing...Beating myself up for not working with him hard enough as younger kids started doing things he couldn't yet.
I don't fall into that trap anymore.
Russell is who he is, and he can do what he can do...And that's it.
I don't think any Moms who blog should ever question whether they should post something or not for fear of looking like they are bragging about their kid.
And if you come to my blog and you see all the posts on what Russell can do or what he has just learned and YOU think it is me bragging...Well, stay the eff off my page.
Problem solved.
Because the majority of what is written on my blog IS about Russell and everything he can do.
I would hate for any one reading about Russell and his accomplishments to feel badly...But I cannot stop celebrating my son and his hard work just to ensure others don't get their feelings hurt.
Another thing on that post that was mentioned was the observation that only the "higher functioning" people with Ds are celebrated or focused on, and that no one celebrates the people who are at the other end of that spectrum.
*sigh*
I don't even know what to say about this one. It makes me angry.
The News articles do focus on the "bigger" stories about what people with Ds can accomplish...
THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT!
People know there is a wide range of ability...Most of us want to know the very highest of things achieved, the things we didn't even dream possible.
We get that not every person with Ds will be going to college, or having a job, or living on their own...But celebrating the fact that some do, in no way takes from the ones who do not.
I think some Moms are oversensitive. I think they are the ones who have a problem not the Moms who celebrate and announce all the great things their child is doing.
That's my opinion anyway.
Anyone else have an opinion they want share?
Today I read an article that thoroughly annoyed me. It was someone going on about how in the Ds community (and other disabilities as well)...Some people tend to brag about their kids...Or they try to "one up" each other in what their children are able to do...She even went so far as to say some Moms were lying when talking about what their children are capable of doing at a certain age...Or at least they are "stretching the truth" she said.
I have never read such complete bullshit in my life.
See, this was the very thing I was getting at in my post a few days ago...Where every time Russell learns something new I feel I need to have proof he can do it or people won't believe me. It's stupid...But yeah I guess there are some people out there who think if their kid can't do something at a certain age then YOU must be lying when you say yours can.
And "one upping" each other?? Or "bragging"
It's ridiculous! All of it!
Every single Mother has a right to feel proud of what her child accomplishes... Especially a child with Special Needs who has to over come a great number of obstacles and struggles to finally be able to learn something or do something.
Why on earth should this Mother be made to feel like she is bragging when she talks about it?
Why does she have to hide the pride she feels in her child for fear of offending some one else?
Why would some people even take this as anything other than celebrating??
What do you guys think?
When you read a blog or fb status with a Mom announcing what her child just learned to do...Do you take it as that Mother is bragging and "shoving it down your throat" that her child can do something yours cant...
Or do you celebrate with them?
I for one know I have never, ever, felt any one of the blogs I read or Mothers I have connected with are guilty of bragging. I have never even looked at it in those terms.
I have always just been as thrilled and excited as they were to see what their child had learned...I love hearing what all Russell's little friends are up to.
I know many Moms are scared to post about how great their children are doing for fear of making some one else feel bad...And I think that's silly, and it's sad that they are made to feel that way.
EVERY child has different levels of development...Special Needs or not.
No two kids should be compared. Ever. It's pointless.
There have always been kids Russell's age with Down syndrome who have soared past him in the development department...Hell, just yesterday I watched a video clip of a child younger than Russell sight reading words!! The kid was two!
Did I think his Mother was bragging?? Hell no! She was celebrating and sharing her joy in hopes of inspiring other Moms. I thought it was fantastic! Did I feel badly Russell cannot read yet...No.
That is an ugly pit I use to fall into when Russell was first born...Trying to keep him up to par with other kids his age who had Ds...Trying to make sure he could do what they were all doing...Beating myself up for not working with him hard enough as younger kids started doing things he couldn't yet.
I don't fall into that trap anymore.
Russell is who he is, and he can do what he can do...And that's it.
I don't think any Moms who blog should ever question whether they should post something or not for fear of looking like they are bragging about their kid.
And if you come to my blog and you see all the posts on what Russell can do or what he has just learned and YOU think it is me bragging...Well, stay the eff off my page.
Problem solved.
Because the majority of what is written on my blog IS about Russell and everything he can do.
I would hate for any one reading about Russell and his accomplishments to feel badly...But I cannot stop celebrating my son and his hard work just to ensure others don't get their feelings hurt.
Another thing on that post that was mentioned was the observation that only the "higher functioning" people with Ds are celebrated or focused on, and that no one celebrates the people who are at the other end of that spectrum.
*sigh*
I don't even know what to say about this one. It makes me angry.
The News articles do focus on the "bigger" stories about what people with Ds can accomplish...
THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT!
People know there is a wide range of ability...Most of us want to know the very highest of things achieved, the things we didn't even dream possible.
We get that not every person with Ds will be going to college, or having a job, or living on their own...But celebrating the fact that some do, in no way takes from the ones who do not.
I think some Moms are oversensitive. I think they are the ones who have a problem not the Moms who celebrate and announce all the great things their child is doing.
That's my opinion anyway.
Anyone else have an opinion they want share?
As a new mother, I learned very fast that if I posted equally about my children's achievements, they would be viewed differently. Addison-celebrating. Carter-bragging. Truth is, the same skill set that is so easy for Carter is incredibly difficult for Addison. Therefore, I see no harm in proclaiming to the world when she finally gets there each and every time. I'm completely with you on this one...
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, where was this article? It is a fine line, I do agree, because every time I write something that Kristen does I feel this strange pull on my heart. Whenever we talk about something our kids do, you know other parents are comparing. You know there are many people that are highly competitive and want to have and be the best. That is the ugly truth. But, I love hearing what every kid with DS does because I truly want to celebrate every single one of them. I have always felt a celebration for a kid or adult with DS is essentially a celebration for Kristen too. The more people see what kids or adults with DS are capable of makes the world a better place for Kristen. Do we celebrate "high functioning" typical people in the news? You bet we do that too. So, why cannot we not celebrate those with DS that accomplish great things as well. I would love to read this article. :)
ReplyDeleteI hope you don't hate me for saying this, but when I saw someone say that their 4 month old signed, I was a little skeptical. But at the same time, I really didn't give it much thought. Sometimes when I see something that another child can do, that Kamdyn can't, I have wondered what that means for Kamdyn. But I know that's terrible to do, and I try to make myself stop. I'm getting better about it. I saw that little guy sight reading the other day too, and he was AWESOME! That really is amazing. I would never want anyone to not write something. Maybe that person's little one really did sign at 4 months. Another part of it, is that I only have Kamdyn to reference to, so if there is something that she wasn't nearly able to do at a certain age, it's hard for me to relate to that, if that makes sense. But I would never in a million years tell someone, or even think, that they shouldn't share something that their child did. I think it's part of the journey for us to learn how to accept what our own child isn't doing, be ok with it, celebrate what they are doing, and then be happy for others.
ReplyDeleteI 100 percent agree with every single word...I always have a hint of guilt when I praise Camden for doing something thinking about annoying or hurting someone else's feelings...but then I remember I don't write my blog for other people...I do it for me....for Camden....for our families and friends to spread awareness outside of the ds community because that is where we live our lives most of the time....and yes it has been a great way to connect with other mommies and families who share a similar journey but that is just a side benefit. And I always love hearing everything other kids are doing....our kids are all still so unique like any other child and the way they develop proves that! No one kid can do absolutely everything another can do at a certain age typical or not. Sometimes I feel like this world of special needs Can be all too easily offended...and it makes me sad.
ReplyDeleteI hate that feeling. Being afraid to share what my daughter OR son can do just because I am afraid people will think that I am bragging. Why can't we celebrate without judgement?
ReplyDeleteFirst, I don't have a kid with special needs.
ReplyDeleteSecond, every kid is different, if they have special needs or not. No 2 kids ever do things at exactly the same time, not even identical twins. I come from a huge extended family, for as long as I can remember there have always been multiple young kids and babies, and now with my own girls at 12 and 4 everyone of them did things on thier own time line. My kids sat up at vastly different ages. My oldest at 4 months, my youngest at 6 months. My oldest walked at 11 months, my youngest at 8 months, the oldest was toilet trained at 13 months, even over night, the youngest's first night fully trained was her third birthday.
Every parent, feels proud when thier child does something new, and every mom who has more than 1 child knows how different each can be. Where one might babble non-stop from a really early age, another might be quiet until they are 3 then talk in sentences. Celebrate what each of your kids can do, but don't dwell on what they can't. If they do something new that was difficult for them before congratulte them. We all have things that are outside of our abilities, every single one of us, and every single person on this earth has something special that they can do. Even if it is only making someone smile when no-one else can.
WoWsa! I hope we brag...I hope we feel the joy and I hope everyone feels it when they read my words about what my children do! I admit I get jealous when Maddie is not doing "things" it is human...but that does not mean I am not happy or excited for other kiddos...because. I know someday Maddie will do it...I am not sure but i think this comes with age...being comfy with yourself helps with being able to share with joy with others...but it is offensive to think someone could think I am lying about Maddie accomplishments is just wacky and and if it makes me feel better who cares! Smiles
ReplyDeleteI consider it celebrating. We're all in this boat together. When one celebrates we all celebrate.
ReplyDeleteI think we will always compare our kids to others. I think we compare ourselves to others. It's human nature. I recently read a blog where the Ds teen sits on a board of directors. Beth isn't even close to that level. But I still celebrated with that mom! Her daughter reached a HUGE milestone! In fact, how many 'typical' teens sit on the board of directors??
Personally, I think the mom was being overly sensitive. Maybe she's just been hurt so many times....
It's celebrating, definitely! But, while not bragging, I just don't have the same level of excitement when a typical child meets his milestones. Maybe that's not fair, but when you work as hard for something as our kids do, that's worth celebrating.
ReplyDeleteI love Russell in his town hat! :)