Movie Review

Last night Brad and I watched the movie A smile as big as the moon. 

And I have to say it was kind of a first for us. I have mentioned before that we don't really discuss Down syndrome a whole lot together, no particular reason why, we just kind of never have. 

So I was actually surprised when I had the movie on and Brad sat down and watched the entire thing with me. I just didn't think it would be something that interested him.

The cool thing was he loved it, he said it had a great impact on him. Afterwards we sat up talking about it and about Russell...Even today when he came home for lunch he mentioned it and what a great show it was.

For those of you who have not heard of this movie it is based on a true story. It's about a Special Education Teacher back in 1989 who after much hard work made it possible for his students to achieve the impossible and be allowed to attend the U.S. Space Program for gifted students.

It was a truly inspiring show.

It was a show that made me reflect on many things.

There was a boy with Down syndrome in it who reminded me so much of Russell...Same stocky build, same hair, same great personality...And I thought back to the time when I was just starting this journey, a time where it hurt to see teenagers or adults with Down syndrome. 

A time where I felt a pain in my heart thinking that one day my son would look or talk like them.

And now it just doesn't feel the same.

This is Russell.

Russell is a handsome little boy who looks like he has Down syndrome, because he does. 

And I am ok with that.

And when he grows into a teenager and an adult who looks like he has Down syndrome, I will be ok with it then too because he will be a handsome young man.

I don't fear how Russell will sound when he talks anymore. 

Russell has low tone in his jaw and mouth...This is something we work on to strengthen. I know when he starts talking he may have that typical "Down syndrome sound"...And that is fine. 

That is something that no longer hurts to think about because I know Russell is smart and that he understands everything around him. And even if his speech is not exactly like ours that won't mean he is stupid.
But with that said...

It is so very important to me that Russell learn to talk clearly...But only because I want for others to understand him. I want him to be able to communicate properly...So yes, when it comes to his speech I have concerns. But they are not the same shallow concerns I had in the beginning...The ones where I didn't want him to sound "slow" or like he had Down syndrome.
Does that make sense?

The thing that touched me the most was how the boy with Ds would just give a hug every now and then to his Teacher. The world could use more of that. More compassion and genuine affection.
It reminds me of Austin. He is just like that.
Always ready to give a hug because he just has a sweeter spirit than most. I think its a wonderful quality.

And the part I loved the most was when one of the "normal" kids at the camp looked over at the boy with Ds and turned and asked one of the kids if he was a part of their team or whatever. The kid said that yes he was...The other boy looked kind of disgusted and said
"But he's a Mongoloid"

And just when I was ready to cry because it still hurts to know people like my child were called such things back then...I laughed.
I laughed because the other boy answered by saying...

"No, he's an American"

How beautiful is that.

How innocent and accepting these children are. They see the person, not the disability.

And of course I loved the Teacher in this movie...A man who saw potential in kids that no one else did. A man who said
"If more is expected of them they will raise to the occasion"

And they did.

Even I was nervous watching as the Teachers walked through the training physicality...I wondered if the kids could do such a program because it was very demanding physically and mentally. 

And I hate that even I, a Mother who has a child with Down syndrome still doubts the capability of what these kids can really do when given a chance.

But I guess the truth is I do still have my moments.

Moments where I wonder if I am being realistic with what I expect from Russell.
It is a very fine balance. 

You want to expect any and everything...But at the same time there may be limits to what Russell's body can handle...Or what he can understand...I mean the truth is there are things that make Russell different.

 How do you know if you are pushing to hard or not enough?

It is a questions that eats away at me from time to time.

Sometimes I feel like working with Russell all the time I am just constantly trying to make him as "normal" as possible...And is that fair? Sometimes it doesn't seem right to constantly be working to change who he is.

But then the flip side of that is...I do want his life to be as productive and easy as possible.

I want him to reach his full potential. I want to give him the tools he needs to be all that he can.

*sigh*

Sometimes its hard for me to find that balance.

So anyway, it was a great little movie.

There was a time when I was deeply saddened at the thought of Russell being part of the Special Needs community...It hurt to think he fit into that group.

But now I am so very, very proud.

What an amazing group of people.

Special Needs

They are "Special" because they work so damn hard for things other people don't even think twice about. Because they accomplish great things through a determination and perseverance that many do not even have.
Because they have genuine loving, caring spirits.
Because they accept, and don't judge.

So maybe being "Special" isn't so bad after all.