Russell's 2011 Year in Review

A like doing a year in review post of our family at the end of each year. But this year nothing really majored happened in our house. This was the most peaceful, uneventful, year we have had in a long time.

It was a great year for us!

So since I have nothing exciting to write about the family as a whole...I decided to do Russell's year in review...Because this year was SUPER exciting as far as Russell goes!

Looking back over each month this year I am amazed at how hard my little boy worked this year and just how many things he accomplished!

January-14 months old

This was the month Russell FINALLY became mobile! Up until this point he would not even roll towards a toy or something he wanted...This was the month we saw Russell learn to army crawl!

(I yell "No" at the end of the video because Russell is about to pull over my shelf...The house was not baby proof then!! haha)

February-15 months old

This was the month Russell learned to go from a laying down position to a sitting position all by himself!

This was also when Russell was learning about balance...We could lean him up against something and he would work hard at bearing weight on his legs and balancing while having the support of a firm surface behind him.

March-16 months old

This was a VERY exciting month in our house! Russell learned to four point crawl!!

This video was taken the very morning we first saw him do it! A day I wont ever forget...

Having a crawler in the house was so exciting...Russell was every where and into everything! And no matter what trouble he got himself into or what he dumped out or destroyed...I smiled.

April-17 months old

This month Russell learned to pull to stand! I will never forget the excitement I felt as I turned around and saw Russell STANDING in his crib for the first time!!! I made him do it over and over again...

May-18 months old

This month Russell learned to side step and then eventually cruise along furniture...At first he kept his legs and knees very stiff and straight and over time as he gained confidence and courage he loosened up.

June-19 months old

This month had Russell crawling and cruising but he mastered other skills as well...Like the sippy cup!

And the straw cup...

July-20 months old

This month we saw an explosion in fine motor skills as well as speech and signing. Russell seemed to quickly learn anything we taught him. He learned to point to body parts, to say names, to sign his basic needs such as food, bubba, bath, just to name a few.

One of my favorite things he learned to say was "Bye, see ya"

This month we saw Russell's personality bloom...

August-21 months old

A BIG month for Russell! This was the month where out of the blue Russell learned to stand all by himself...Not getting himself up into a standing position, just being able to balance...To let go of something and stand alone!

It was thrilling! I was so very proud of him!

Russell also learned to climb stairs this month...

September-22 months old

This month Russell started pushing toys around the house and walking behind things.

He never did use any real push toys...He would only push those while on his knees.

This was his toy of choice and he would walk all over the house pushing it.

This was also the month Russell learned to get into a standing position on his own. But really he didn't start to do it often until after he started walking a month or so later.

October-23 months old

This was my favorite month of all! This was the month Russell took his very first steps.

I will never forget a single thing about that day. Ever.

The weeks following those first steps were the most joyful I have ever experienced...Never has a family cheered louder or clapped harder than we did for our boy every. single. day.

November-24 months old

The month my son turned two. The month I felt my heart heal completely.

The month I only reflected briefly on this time...

Because I was to busy celebrating this...

December-25 months old

This month Russell became a FULL time walker...He is learning to self feed better and making progress with his eating issues. He is learning new words and signs daily.

And he is continuing to make us proud every single day.

I have to say looking through this post I cannot help but to cry.

For all the months that felt like nothing was happening...That his progress was so slow...That the delays were so evident...That we were so far away from reaching milestones...

All along my boy was working as hard and as fast as he could...And even though it was in small tiny steps, it was there all along...Progress...It was always there.

And for all the times where I pushed him along and cried over the waiting and how hard it was to be patient...For all the times I wanted him to hurry up and learn the next thing...He was doing as much as he could...And I wish I could take all those moments back...All the worrying and hurrying...

Because in the end we got to everything we wanted to and Russell just needed to take his time doing it.

To all the newer Moms who read my blog...To the ones with small babies just coming up a year old...

This is the year of exciting times for your baby...Don't be afraid to go slow...Enjoy every small step...Because it all happens in time. Don't look back on this new year with regrets.

Enjoy it.

Happy 2012 Everyone!

3 in 1 Russell update

Three things Russell is working on right now.

Walking

I am proud to say Russell is now a FULL time walker!! And no the excitement has not yet worn off!

Every time I see him push open a door and walk in and say "Hi"...I smile.

I'm lovin' having a walker.

The thing many of my family and friends may not realize about Russell is that even though he can walk it will still take him many, many, months before he perfects it.
Typical developing children learn to walk and then they are off and running with everything else falling into place with ease.
This is not the case with children with Down syndrome.
There are still many things Russell will need to learn one small step at a time...Things you wouldn't think he may need help with or continuing Physical Therapy for.

Things like: Walking on uneven or bumpy ground.

Being able to step off a curb...Or up onto a curb.

Kicking a ball.

Jumping.

These may seem like such small simple things...But to a child with Down syndrome it takes months of practice...It takes very careful coordination and more effort to achieve.

I have been fascinated watching Russell's development...It is so unlike anything I ever noticed with the other kids.

Each movement is broken down into tiny steps...Each tiny step must be mastered before moving on to the next. It has be such an amazing thing to witness.

Russell is just now starting to try to jump.
(Only while holding on to something)
In this little video you can see him wanting to be able to do it...But having to stop and think about his movement and what should come next...He does not unlock his knees at the right time and you can see him trying to coordinate it all.

We will be seeing Russell's PT soon to discuss getting him some support for his ankles and feet as he seems to still be walking on the inside of his feet. His ankles turn in and look weak. So we have some more work to do in that area.

Speech

Before Russell could walk my main focus with him was everything physical...Hitting all the milestones, like sitting and crawling and walking. Those seemed to be the main concern for me...Now that Russell has hit all major milestones my focus has shifted more towards speech.

The thing that scares me a little with Down syndrome is that every person with Ds can walk...BUT...Not all people with Down syndrome can talk or be understood well.

There is nothing more important than speech and comprehension. But its such a big area at times it can feel overwhelming.

Russell can say and sign many things. I feel confident he understands every single thing we say to him. And even though I am  fully aware that he does not talk as much as a typical two year old...He is still doing very well...I guess for the most part I feel ok with Russell's development in this area right now...But I do have moments where I doubt...It's hard to explain really.
I mean like I said, I feel Russell gets everything said to him...But at the same time there is something that sits in the pit of my stomach and makes me uneasy...Yet I can't describe exactly what that feeling is.
Actually, I cant explain it at all so I am not even going to try, never mind!

I know many other Moms who have older children with Ds say that language and speech usually start really coming along when the child is five or six. So I realize that I need to be patient and that it will happen.

At our last appointment with the SP our EI Worker brought a chart with her where she had graphed Russell's development the past few months along side of that of a typical two year old.

His line fell short and was behind in the physical part of the graph...But she showed me the part that charted Russell in Speech and Social was dead on right beside that of a typical two year old!

 I cried when I saw it.

I was proud of Russell and it was a relief knowing I am doing ok in teaching him in that area.

We only get to see our SP every six months so I kind of feel I am out on my own as far as teaching Russell goes. So to have positive feed back was awesome!

One of the things I am working on with Russell is helping him learn to finish his words proper.

He tends to say the first part of a word...But does not say the last sound.

This is a horrible video as Russell was just getting over croup and a terrible cold

(So please don't mind the spit coming out of his mouth! lol)

But it shows Russell not finishing the whole word.

So that's what we are working on there.
We will be testing Russell's hearing again sometime this month and I think we are going to have to try the sleep test so that we can once and for all get accurate results on what he is hearing. I have noticed that Russell often mistakes words...Like if I see our cat and say "Where is the cat Russell?"...He will point to his head and say "Hat". So I need to know what pitches and sounds he is hearing clearly.

Eating

We are still plugging away with Russell's eating issues...We have had some small progress with the biting and chewing. Russell has difficulty trying new foods...Ones with harder textures freak him out, he will often spit them out right away and then refuse to eat them.

The other day I sat down with a bowl of dry cereal just to see if Russell would try some.

Russell sat beside me and watched as I ate one...I gave him one and he right away spit it out.

He watched again as I ate another...Then slowly he put his hand into the bowl and pulled it away real fast.

(He also doesn't like the feel of new textures)

I sat pretending not to notice him and he slowly reached back in the bowl and grabbed a cheerio...And ate it!

I mean he actually CHEWED it! He slid it over to the side of his mouth and CHEWED!

This is HUGE for him!

(Ok so this is a very brief video, maybe two seconds long? And its kind of gross because again it was taken right when he was getting over that nasty cold...BUT...Notice that he is in fact CHEWING!)

And it was a huge deal to us because we have been working on it for months now!
Ah, progress!

So there you have it...Everything Russell is working on right now :)
Kind of a long post but I like to document Russell's development...Like I said it is quite fascinating to see the progress broken down into such tiny steps.

I am proud of my boy and all the hard work he is doing.

Old people...*sigh*

I wish when people looked at Russell they would just see Russell.

But I don't think most people see him...I think as he has gotten older people see Down syndrome first and foremost...And sometimes I am ok with that and I could care less...But other times it hurts.

Today in the Doctors office I sat waiting while Russell played with a car on the floor. An older man walked in and just stood there staring at Russell...Actually, I wouldn't say staring...He was GLARING at Russell.

It was a cold. hard. look. It was a cruel look.

(Now I don't need anyone commenting on how I may have misinterpreted his look...It was not a look you just saw...It was a look you could feel. And if you were not there, and not me, and not seeing it, or feeling it, then you just wouldn't know...So there!)

I wanted in that moment to scoop Russell up and turn him away from this man.

I was so angry.

The thing is I don't give a rats ass what day and age a person was born or grew up in...

RUDE IS RUDE!

I find many older people, especially men, have looked at Russell this way.

It pisses me off.

And then the truth is as my anger subsides...I start to feel sad.

I sat holding Russell feeling sad about what he may face as he gets older.

And just when I wanted to cry, guess what song came on... "The Good Life"...And I smiled.

Ever since Kelli put a video of all our kids to that song I cannot help but to think of them every time I hear it...You know how some things just stick in your head...This little video she made of our beautiful children has stuck with me...And the words to the song have stayed with me as well, because they fit so perfectly.

And in moments where people have said rude things...In moments where I have endured the hard stares

I have been able to think of this song...And smile.

So I sat there thinking to hell with this old man and what he thinks of my son.

My son has worth.

My son is loved.

My son has a good life.

So screw you old man in the Doctors office, this kid rocks!

Christmas 2011

A little Christmas post...

Russell was the first one up Christmas morning...I get a feeling this will be how the next few years will go!

I loved the look on his face as he came around the corner and saw all the presents under the tree.

Even though he doesn't really get what Christmas is all about just yet...He knew it was something good!

I told him not to touch the presents, so he got angry and flopped himself to the floor like he always does now when he is mad (More on this in another post!) And he reached out and just "rested" his finger on a gift...lol

Cause you know, that's not really touching right?!

Finally we got tired of waiting for the older kids to get up so we let Russell open a present...

The kids were horrified to see these pictures later and realize that Russell had opened presents without them! lol

Cars of course!

My boy LOVES cars :)

The great thing about this Christmas was the changes in Russell.

Last Christmas Russell was a little over a year old...He was not even close to crawling...In fact he wasn't even moving toward stuff, he showed ZERO interest in being even semi mobile!!!

He could care less about toys and was not even that interested in the wrapping paper!

Last year I was worried about all the things Russell was not yet doing.

And this year...Russell WALKED into the living room by himself!

This year Russell wanted to get into those presents!

This year Russell loved his new toys.

What a difference a year makes!

This year my heart was happy and at peace.

So this year I had told the kids it was going to be a "Non electronic" Christmas.

 I told them no one was getting anything expensive, which generally means electronic right?

So then I tried to shop for Non electronic things and it was hell!!

In the end it just wasn't worth the aggravation I felt trying to find gifts for the kids that they would actually like! Everything these days is electronic, there is no way getting around that!

Austin was thrilled to get the Kinects for his Xbox...I havn't seen him for a few days but I am pretty sure he is still alive as I can hear him jumping and kicking and laughing at all hours of the day and night!! Haha

I didn't get a picture of Raist opening presents...So this one will have to do.

Me and my boy...I am so proud of this kid!

We got Raist his first cell phone this Christmas...Nothing fancy...Just something he can call and text from so we can actually get a hold of him now when he stays at a friends house in town.

The girls were easy to shop for this year...They are all into arts and crafts and stuff like that...So if they could cut it, glue it, color it, mold it, sew it, bake it, paint it...They loved it!

Oh and I got this especially for Jordo so she has her very own place to draw all the peace signs and math equations she wants!

The girls have really been changing alot the past few months...They are all getting to be more "girly" than they have been before...They got some make up and blow dryers and hair straighteners for Christmas, and they have been busy dolling them selves up every hour since!

It always cracks me up to see Jordy carefully putting on makeup because she has always been such tom boy...I had to laugh when she came up to me yesterday and told me her "masquerade was running"...It took me a minute to clue in that she meant mascara! haha

(For the record this is play makeup, my girls are not allowed wearing it out of the house!)

We went to Mom and Dads for Christmas Dinner...Zane and Russell are starting to actually play together now and its really cute to watch. They will laugh at each other or try to grab toys from one another.

Hmmm...They actually look like the same size in this picture!

When ever you say "Dance" to Russell he busts out in his favorite dance move, its hilarious!

The girls got a new dance game for the Wii, so there has been a LOT of dancing going on in this house!

I just realized I don't have a picture of Amy on here...So me and Aimes, Christmas Day :)

Russell also got a special gift from his little friend Owen who lives all the way over in Australia!

Russell is all about cars and BOOKS!

It was cute cause when Russell saw the cover of the book he saw the cow on the front and right away started mooing...

This book is a big hit!

Thank you Owey :)

And that was our Christmas :)

Russell and Daddy

These pictures make me happy :)

I remember sitting alone on the Hospital bed right after I was told they suspected Russell had Down syndrome.

I sat staring at the floor, tears running down my face, holding the phone in my hands trying to figure out the right words to tell Brad that something was wrong with our son.

I was terrified.

What would Brad think? Would he still love Russell the same? 

Would he be embarrassed or ashamed?

We lived in a world of Ranching and Cowboys...Little boys around here were suppose to be rough and tumble.

Cowboys sons were suppose to be tough...Not have Down syndrome.

My heart was so broken I didn't want to tell Brad because I didn't want his heart to break in the same way.

I was scared Brad was going to feel like he lost a son...Afraid that Brad would be disappointed in that this wasn't the son he had hoped for.

Those were the most ridiculous thoughts I ever had!

Brad embraced this little boy right from the second he took his first breath. 

Down syndrome did not change that.

I cannot forget the day we got the phone call telling us the official results of Russell's blood work...The official 

"Yes, your son has Down syndrome"

I remember searching Brads face for that devastation I was sure he would feel...When I asked him if he was ok all he said was...

"I never cared about the results, he is my son and I love him"

Brad was meant to be the Father of this boy. 

Russell was meant to be his and only his.

He is his Fathers son in every way.

Russell is every bit the son Brad wanted...He is all that and then more. Down syndrome took nothing away from Russell as a son.

Brad worships the ground this child walks on.

I was a fool to ever, ever doubt his love for his boy.

A Fathers love is always unconditional.

He has Special Needs!

Ok, so this post is more of a little vent, so you wont find anything inspiring or thought provoking in here...Just me bitching and whining...So there is your fair warning, read on if you wish!

I am getting really frustrated with people around me undermining my instructions or...Hmmm, how do I word it...My intentions?? On what Russell can or cannot do. What he is allowed or not allowed to eat...What we need to monitor or help him with and what we can stand back and let him do himself.

Bottom line. I am sick of being made to look like a fool or an overprotective, paraniod, Mother who wont allow their child to do things other kids do.

Let me explain. I'll give you the situation that most impacts me and Russell at this moment.

Food

What Russell can eat and what he cannot.

When we take Russell out to social or family gatherings people always try to feed Russell something. Or if they see Russell trying to grab something, like say, chips for instance...And I say no and stop him...They immediately assume I am saying no because I do not want him eating that food or I don't want him having a treat. And then they proceed to make fun of me and say things like

 "Oh, if you weren't here we would let him have that"

And ya, that would be the EXACT reason I do not leave Russell with ANY one!

It pisses me off!
There are always reasons to the things I do when it concerns Russell.

I am not allowing Russell to eat that particular food item because he CANNOT CHEW YET!

And I wish people could just understand that.
In my opinion if people loved Russell they would know a tiny bit about Down syndrome and what it means to him...To his development.

If you could care less about Ds and what it means for Russell then you can eff off when I say NO to him eating something!

See I notice that in a way people around us are still kind of uncomfortable with Russell having Down syndrome. Its almost like everyone wants to ignore it or minimize it...Pretend its not there. So they do so in going about treating him just like a regular two year old and they try to allow him to do things they have seen typical two year olds do. And ok, I get that they mean well...I get it.

BUT

Russell has Special Needs...And that is the bottom line...There is a reason why we call it Special Needs.

He is not a "typical" two year old in many ways...And for his safety we cannot treat him as such in some instances...And that is not us keeping him in a bubble or sheltering him, or treating him different just because he has Down syndrome...That is us, as his family, accepting his Special Needs and attending to him in a way he needs at this point in time.

I do not appreciate people ignoring the fact that he has Special Needs.

Pretending Russell does not have Down syndrome and delays and that he needs help with some things does not make me feel better. It pisses me off.

Russell has Special Needs and I want for people to be aware of that because it is important.

Do not minimize that.
 Do not judge what I am doing with him or allowing him to do.

Everything I do has a reason.
Do not question me!

There have been times a few months back when Russell has tried to climb something and I have ran to stand behind him or grab him off of stairs or couches...And people laugh at me thinking I am being overprotective and silly.

And it kills me inside because what I do not want to have to say out loud to a room full of people is...

"I grabbed Russell because he does not understand yet about falling...He is not aware yet of boundaries or depth, or edges...He doesn't grasp that concept yet"

I didn't want to emphasize to a room full of people that Russell's mind was not that of a typical child his age...That he was in fact... "slow"

I mean what parent would want to announce this fact?

It hurts my feelings to be judged for things I do while trying to keep my son safe.

All I ask is not to be questioned.
What I say goes, and it goes for a reason.

My Mom and I have to make a trip to the Island in a few weeks. I asked one of my Aunts to watch Russell...She emailed me back and said she would love to, I just needed to tell her  the do's and don'ts...
And that one line had me in tears...
Because it showed she respected me and she cared about Russell.

It's all about respect.

And I wish everyone would just get that and stop questioning the decisions I make for my son.

The magic of two

 I am now two years in on this journey into the world of Down syndrome.
I remember after Russell was born not being able to hold him without looking down at him and crying.

What was life going to be life? What did Down syndrome mean for us, for our family?
But most importantly...What did it all mean for Russell...For his future?

I think back to that time and how badly my heart ached...How I always wanted to flash forward two years...Just jump ahead two years to see what life was going to be like...What it would feel like.

Would life be back to normal...Or would we just be use to a new crappy normal?

Two years was a magic number for me.

I don't know why, it's just I always had that particular number in my mind for things to be "ok" again.

I think my heart just always knew that it would take me that time to heal.

The first year of Russell's life was all about me coming to terms with and letting go of the initial shock of his birth and the trauma I felt. Never in my life had I felt a blow so strongly as being told my son had Down syndrome just hours after he was born.

Never had I felt such fear or sadness.

I do remember comforting myself with the whole two year thing.

Laying on the Hospital bed thinking...

"It's ok, it will be ok...Two years from now you wont feel this pain...It will all just be a memory"

Sitting there with tears running down my face wondering what two years was going to look like for Russell...What kind of little boy he was going to be.

The first year for me was getting over Russell's birth and how badly it had shaken me.
Many of my early post spoke of his birth and what I felt during that time.
But Down syndrome itself didn't affect our lives too much the first year.
Sure we were getting use to all the appointments and Therapies and slowly easing our way into this new world...
But when Russell was under a year old nothing fully hit.
Russell was just a baby like any other baby. He could do everything every other five or six month old baby could do. He was right on track and his development was the same as any other infant.

When we went out no one could tell he had Down syndrome so I didn't have to deal with people staring or making insensitive comments very often.

It was like when he was a baby I was protected and safe.

So the healing I needed to do hadn't really taken place yet.

That healing for me came in the second year.

In Russell's second year the delays were right there in front of me, they were obvious and front and center.

In the second year I had to come to terms with that.

 More Alike than Different comforted me for a while, but then I started to not even care about that.

Russell was simply Russell, who cared if he was just like everyone else!

I accepted Russell and his development for what they were...And that things were going to happen when they happened and not any sooner no matter how many Therapies we crammed into a month.

Letting go of that pressure to keep him as close to "normal" as possible, was a huge relief...Like a weight being taken off.

In the second year I learned to brush off stares and rude comments. I am learning to just let insensitive things said to me go...Its a process...But I am getting there.

The past few months alone I have felt myself grow in many ways.

Year two has brought me much peace.

I notice this also when reading other Moms blogs. Moms who have three and four and five year olds.

They seem to be at peace with everything. I notice a shift in their writing.

Many blogs that started off as a place to vent or gain support or express fears, suddenly morph into just plain ol family blogs.

Its like around the age of two something magical happens...Down syndrome takes a back burner...And life just becomes life.

Sure they still write or talk about Down syndrome, they talk about issues their child may have or things they are dealing with...But there is a definite peace.

And here I am at two...And I think back to those moments I wanted to flash forward just to catch a glimpse at what two would be like...And we're here...

And two looks like this...

And this...

And this...

And bless his little heart...Two looks like this...

I am lovin' two.

Think before you speak!

Something happened last night that has me a little annoyed...I'm not sure what to make of it really...All I know is it totally got under my skin and has me quite irritated.

Last night Brad and I went to a little bonfire with some friends. Me and some of the women were talking about decorating for the upcoming Christmas party...I said I would help with the setup but honestly I wouldn't be much help as far as decorating goes...I'm not good at "girly" stuff. Never have been. I am probably the plainest person you would ever meet! T-shirts and jeans are good enough for me, as little makeup as possible, and definitely not into accessories of any sort! Just straight up plain!

Anyway...

One of the other women there is kind of the same way, so she was laughing saying we were "decoratively challenged" Or something along those lines...But those were the key words..."we were challenged"

Now it wasn't this sentence that rubbed me the wrong way at all...It was the next...

She then went on to add...

"Ya, we will be on Russell's level"

*sigh*

I immediately turned to look at her thinking...

"Did she just say what I think she did? Did I really just hear that?"

I was stunned. And silent.

And annoyed.

So I don't know what to think about the whole thing...Other than I know it really bothers me.

It was the fact that she was joking around about being "challenged" and then in the same breath the joke about being on "Russell's level"

Just out of curiosities sake, would any of you have felt offended?

I mean if that wasn't an intentional joke about Russell having a disability, what on earth did she even mention his name for to begin with??

She isn't a mean spirited person at all...But...She has been one of the ones since Russell's birth to slide in strange comments like that.

I don't know. I mean I feel offended, and I keep thinking perhaps that was not at all what she meant...

But even so...That's what my heart heard.

Why don't people ever think before they speak!

Reece's Rainbow

I don't really do posts on this subject very often because to be perfectly honest it is so incredibly painful for me to think about that I just don't like to "go there".

But tonight I want to write about it. Tonight I want to share a little bit about this topic, because in truth it had quite a bit to do with the shift I felt inside myself the past few months and it has been on my mind and in my heart for so long now.

Since Russell was born I have found my feelings and acceptance of Down syndrome comes and goes in waves. I will be perfectly happy and content for months at a time and then suddenly something will trigger that initial sadness...The fear returns, and I start to feel sorry for myself and sorry for Russell.

Then as suddenly as it hits it phases out and is gone.

Near the end of last summer I struggled quite a bit with that negative feeling...I think I blogged about it once or twice, but mostly kept it to myself.

Then one day something happened to change that.

One day while Russell was down for a nap I watched a Documentary that was suppose to be about the "R" word. Well, the Documentary wasn't exactly what I expected...It was something more horrible, and it wasn't two minutes into it that I was absolutely sobbing.

It was about a Mental Hospital just hours from where we live, in Vancouver, called Woodlands.

This is where people like my son and others disabilities were sent.

Cast offs of society. Children no one wanted.

Hidden away from the world because they were less than.

"Out of sight, out of mind"

What shook me to the core was they showed actual video clips of the inside of this institution in the 70's.

It was horrific. Images so disturbing my stomach turned and I wanted to shut it off and never think of it again.

But I couldn't. I could not walk away.
I couldn't because I saw children there exactly like my son.

I saw them in straight jackets, tied to walls by the neck. I saw them strapped into chairs and tied to beds...Where they just sat and rocked...Banging their heads, chewing on their hands.

No one talking to them. Nothing for them to do, but exist...To just sit there, alone in that hell.

I cried because these videos were not taken in some far away country.
This had taken place in MY country, just hours from where I live.
This had taken place in the decade I was born.

This was not that long ago.

I watched as women, now in their 70's and 80's, talked of when they were told to put their children in this place. They told of their hearts breaking when they would visit their child only to be told by their children, in whatever way they could communicate, that they were being badly abused. They were being molested and raped.

These Mothers tried to tell the staff what their sons were telling them, and no one would listen. No one believed them and no one cared. They were told their children were retarded so therefor they could not understand what they were saying anyway and they certainly couldnt prove it!

I could go on and on about the horrors I watched. But I wont.

All I will say is that Documentary changed me...Forever.

After watching it all I wanted to do was scoop Russell up and hold him tight.

 I remember how I felt the rest of that day, I was badly shaken.

I wanted Russell close to me all day long. As often as he would stay still and snuggle with me I held him.
All I could think was...
Thank God he was born to me. Thank God he was born in this day and age. Thank God he came to a family who adores him and loves him and protects him.

Thank God he was mine.

It was the day I stopped feeling sorry for me and for Russell.

With everything we were blessed with, what was there to feel sorry about?
Russell was healthy and happy. Russell has a great life with a fantastic future ahead of him. Russell was safe and protected and he always would be.
There was nothing to feel sorry about.

And that brings me to this second half of my post.

Reece's Rainbow

This is an organization that helps rescue orphans with Down syndrome in Countries overseas.

In Countries where everything I described above in that Documentary STILL happens, everyday.

These children are just thrown away. Treated worse than any living creature I have seen.

They live in orphanages until around the ages of four or five, and then if not adopted they are transferred to metal institutions where they are left to essentially waste away.

I want to describe something to you...How all this feels as a Mother...

When you have a child with Down syndrome you cannot help but to love ANY child with Down syndrome.
You feel a powerful bond between yourself and these children for many reasons...But most of all because when you look into their tiny almond shaped eyes, you see your own child's reflection.
When you look into the face of another child with Down syndrome you see all the innocence and purity that you see in your own.
You feel the strong need to protect them, to love them, to advocate for them.
Because when you look into their eyes it is your own child staring back.
When we see how children with Down syndrome in other Countries are mistreated and just thrown away it breaks our hearts...It kills us because we know that in some horrible twist of fate, this could very well have been our child.

Many of my friends blog about Reece's Rainbow, many raise awareness and help raise funds for these children and their adoptive families.

None have done more than this woman though...

Patti

If you have a moment please visit her blog.

It is beautiful and inspiring and everything is written straight from her heart.

You will see how she has Fundraisers and Giveaways to help raise money for orphans and families hoping to adopt them.

Patti has been the means behind many, many, children finding homes and families that love them.

 She has essentially been a tool in helping save these children and giving them a chance at life.

She has done more good than I can ever describe.

What I would like to ask of family or friends reading, is this...

To any of you who donate to Charities, especially this time of year, as Christmas approaches...If any of you work for Companies who make donations...I would ask that you would consider Reece's Rainbow.

Because this isn't a charity where the funds get swallowed up and just disappear...This is a charity that changes lives of children who deserve to be loved just like any other child.

This is a Charity that SAVES lives...That makes a difference.

This is a Charity where by a simple twist of fate, my sons beautiful little face could have been found in the  

"Our waiting children" section.

So please consider either going to Reeces Rainbow or to Patti's blog to give a small donation that would make such a huge difference to a child.

In the end it didn't even matter

Russell has been doing so great with his walking the past few weeks...And while I wouldn't call him a "full time" walker just yet...He does walk, by far, way more than he crawls!

And that in itself is very exciting to see!!

He walks all over the house now, when he falls he just gets right back up. He is braver now, more sturdy, more confident...Instead of sitting down and crawling to something out of his reach he will walk across a room to get it. He follows the kids around by walking...

And when he hears Daddy turn on the music he is off!

(We like our music in this house...Loud music!) lol

I have noticed in this past week alone Russell's walking has improved a whole lot.

His is more solid, his gait is becoming less wide and wobbly. He is bending his knees better and just overall walking more "normal"...

I still smile every. single. time. I watch him walk.

Brad and I have watched him walk down the hall and turned to each other and said how it's kind of sad...Our baby is walking now...Our last baby...Our last little one we will see crawling around the house wont be crawling for much longer.

And even though we waited for an entire year for this day to come...It is still a little bitter sweet.

I think back on this past year and especially this last summer when I really struggled with Russell not yet being able to walk.

And the day I remember most is being in tears in my driveway and crying saying to my Mom that Russell was almost two and I was still having to carry him everywhere...For two years I had packed him everywhere I went...How it hurt to see kids his age run past us...How it hurt that Russell was a toddler but not toddling...My heart ached thinking he was just a giant baby.

*sigh*

That depression about Russell not walking lasted a long while...Weeks, if not longer. It was a difficult time for me.

As his second Birthday approached and he was still not walking it hurt...It hurt because in the Hospital after finding out he had Down syndrome I remember them telling me everything would be delayed, that children with Down syndrome walked closer to two.

I didn't really believe them. I thought MY child would beat that time frame. That he would be the exception.

And as time dragged on it hurt more because I realized they were right.

Anyway, this wasn't suppose to be a sad post at all.

What I am trying to say is I think back to that time and flash forward to now...And the truth is...

In the end did it even matter?!

Did it even matter at all that he wasn't walking around the age of one...But instead he walked at two?

No, it didn't matter.

And while I could not help the pain and hurt I felt during the times I was wishing he could walk...

I am thankful for those hard moments.

The moments I hurt and wished and dreamed for this day...

Only made this day that much sweeter...

Those first steps more brilliant and glorious and exciting.

And all I can say is, it was sooooooooo worth the wait!